The Friend Foundation

A few months ago, I watched my best friend, since third grade, bring her 5th child into the world. It was beautiful, it was chaotic, and it was nontraditional, just like her. It was also gross as hell, but that is irrelevant to this post.

I probably saw more of her than I wanted to, but I was happy to be able to share in that moment with her, her family, and our other best friend connected via video call. Those moments help me to understand what real friends are for and how vital those foundational individuals are. Those are my people.

Sharing in this moment made me realize how connected we all really are. I was determined not to miss this birth for anything in the world. Though I don't have children, sharing in my best friends' children's lives has been one of the most rewarding experiences. Though not blood, they are def added to my

roster of nieces and nephews.

There are but few times where I am overly sappy; this is one of them.

Typically people think that "their people" have to be siblings, family members, or a significant other. However, that is not the case. Your best friends are family members that you choose. Having people who know most aspects of your life, share in your memories, and aren't afraid of being brutally honest are essential for your growth and your general existence. You don't have to explain things to them, they know. You don't have to say a word for them to know already how you will react.

Recently, I was laid off from my IT job, which I have held begrudgingly for the last five years. I dropped a simple message in our group chat as I listened to the HR vendor read me my rights.

I was just laid off.

The message was simple and factual. They were the first people I told. My phone began to ring frantically after my messages in the chat didn't continue, but I couldn't answer. I listened to the HR person's voice continue, but I knew I wouldn't remember a word. I muted my phone and cried. Yep, like a f*cking baby. Though I maybe emotional in the privacy of my four walls, no one would ever know...except these two.

Don't judge me. Stability is a thing for me, and the thought of losing it is one that I don't like to think of often. Since I was 16, I have never not had a job. I like nice things and I don't like to hear the word 'no'. From the day I started at Helio, I never asked for anything again that I could get myself. The independent woman in me runs deep.

I occasionally unmuted to acknowledge that I was listening, no matter how big of a lie it was. I cried some more as I continued ignoring phone calls.

Unbeknownst to me, my friends were going frantic because I wasn't answering. Being laid off has always been a fear of mine. In the back of my mind, I knew it was coming, but I didn't expect it NOW! Unfortunately, they knew what my reaction would be, and their predictions were indeed a reality.

If you know me in real life, you know that I work ALOT! I have always had two jobs and a side hustle. No matter how bad it sounds, my happiness has often been measured by my monetary abilities. Let's be real; if you've been broke before, you don't want to go back, and if you have tasted a particular lifestyle, you would like things to stay that way.

Eventually, the HR sermon was over, and I was free, literally. I was free to do whatever the hell I wanted because I didn't have a job anymore.

I called my mommy in tears expecting her to baby me; I was wrong. "What am I supposed to do" I cried between sniffs. "We just went into phase 4! Like - NOW!" I screamed between cries. My mom added my dad to the call so that I could explain what happened in detail.

Before I could get a word out, my dad's voice echoed, " You betta not be crying. What you crying for?" I tried to stop, but I couldn't. "You are smart; you have all these degrees - this their loss," he continued. I felt a little better, but I was still unemployed. I also felt better knowing that I hadn't taken any vacation and had all that PTO money coming.

My daddy has always been a "you better not be crying" advocate. It was never about me showing emotion but it was always about my worthiness. This was not my first job and would certainly not be my last. I could write a novel about how I was lucky enough to grow up with two of the best parents ever but what's understood doesn't need to be explained.

I eventually came back to earth as my parents brought me back to reality and presented the plus side to all of this. I was ready to call my people back - we, of course, had a group call. I explained everything to them. I was still angry, but I was calmer than I would have been. They were surprised but glad that my parents had diffused the time bomb.

Though they didn't experience the brunt of my emotions in that scenario, they have definitely experienced it before - when I graduated from college, when I broke up with my fiance, when I bought my first house and so many more events.

I know sometimes we get comfortable in our friendships, myself included. However, I don't know what I'd do without them. They champion my ideas. They tell me that I'm tripping when I'm overthinking things, and they encourage me to do better. I'm not afraid that an argument will end our friendship because I value them too much. There would probably be something I need to tell them, which would force us to communicate.

You know how you have those friends that you can call with the weirdest of things to say, and they won't judge you or react as a "normal" person would? These are those friends. The ones you are equally weird with, the ones who's children you love like your own, and the ones who get it. Basically, they are family.

There is no interview period, no jealously, and no awkwardness. These are the friends who you can visit all day with, lay in their bed, and go through their refrigerator like it's yours, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

As time passes and we continue to grow in age, wisdom, and beauty, I understand why these foundational friends are essential. Adulthood is a challenge in itself but having people who share in your wins, losses, and failures is unmatched.

I originally wrote this post on the day my best friend gave birth and finished it on the day she told me how crazy they were going when I told them I was laid off. It was beautiful. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that people care about me as much as they do, but they show it every day. Rather they are fussing about me for being dumb or celebrating life with me. 2020 has shown me the importance of loving on people while you still can - so I am determined to do that for all the people I love for the rest of my life.

Gang Gang! I love you guys!